Offended flashers won't show

Celebrity slut Paris Hilton backed out of her planned appearance with former pop star Britney Spears at the Billboard Awards after objecting to the jokes written for her about her peer's spreading reputation for flashing her crotch. "Britney Spears is not a 'peer.' In the whole two weeks we've been best friends she never peed on me once." Ms. Hilton then slowly uncrossed her legs for the cameras and left the pressroom aghast. It was only a matter of time before the vagina monologue became a dialogue. Paris couldn't keep the trend going all by herself and probably feels she owes her less famous friend a debt of gratitude for validating the most interesting thing about her. Crotchless women who don't know how to sit in the presence of cameras are always interesting, especially when their exposed genitalia is the only thing that's interesting about them. Together, these two women are twice as interesting as they used to be. Hillary Clinton is said to be exploring the viability of crotchlessness. Even if the doubling of interest is only half true, it could still be a huge boon to her popularity while keeping her safely out of the presidency. They say this all started with Sharon Stone, but I think it started with Bill Clinton. And it won't be ending soon. Mothers, don't let your daughters wear dresses for awhile.