The Jackson Four

CW FISHER Gotham. Dark city of celebrity gone bad. Here live only the larger than life, those willing few who've given up their own lives for the entertainment of the many. Britney's here and Robert Blake and all the Simpsons Homer to O.J. and that new girl, the dumb unfunny sister married to some nobody. Paris is here, in nightvision green. The willing are legion in Gotham. Forsaking privacy for publicity, they project themselves on the undersides of clouds, compete for our attentions with ever crazier stunts and wilder antics until somebody gets hurt--and then they keep going: hurling themselves off cliffs in all kinds of ways, many of which are technically unwatchable but truthfully impossible not to watch. Events in Gotham are what you get caught up in when you pick up a People. Now four Jacksons from two Jackson families conjoin overhead to bring us a bizarre unintended but new Jackson Four. Michael Jackson is the Joker and has been the Joker longer than he's been a has been. He's gone from preying on children to praying with... Jesse Jackson, who's known Michael as a child since he was a child, recently interviewed the defendant of a molestation trial currently in progress: Michael Jackson: (laughing) You had a big time Afro at that time. Rev. Jackson: Don’t remind people of that Michael... (Michael laughs) In Gotham, when things are darkest, which is always the case, that's the time to pray with a professional. But isn't bringing up the old afro a bit like rolling up the dessert cart: everybody laughs but no one knows why? Jesse Jackson, Jr., U.S. Congress, dropped pounds and turned Oprah beautiful, suddenly carved and chiseled in impossible ways, which he said were all due to vitamins and vegetables and a vigorous style of living, and when they didn't buy that, in the great tradition of politics, he lied, but lied poorly, and said he was taking injections of some sort and he didn't care to discuss it and left humiliated and seething while the press speculated about steroids--which made him tell the real truth, which is that he'd had surgery, a radical type of surgery that essentially involves the chopping of the stomach in half and the shortening up of the intestines, a procedure that succeeds in the removal of pounds but tends to create chronic malnutrition, a condition that accelerates bodily decay in the end user and bodes ill for a generation of predisposed addicts to steroidal and surgical solutions to spiritual problems. Janet Jackson completes the trio. Now famous in Gotham for only a body part, Janet's Right Breast recently released the highest resolution jpg available of itself. As the sister body part to the various body parts of what was her brother Michael, Janet's Right Breast is always controversial and Gotham-shattering. Here it is depicted destroying American Values.