Jack me up, Britney

CW FISHER Bloggers, in lieu of money, are paid in hits, and never has The Apologist been so wealthy as when blogging on Britney Spears or Janet Jackson or Jennifer Lopez or Alexandria Kerry. Why write about anything else? Jennifer Love Hewitt and Britney Spears. What would mom say? According to The National Enquirer, Britney Spears has a buttload of cellulite, the calling card of obesity! Marriage should add another 15 pounds; acquiescing to her mother's wishes that she return from the darkness, add 60 pounds. She stops touring, goes video only with a thinning lens, whole thing is tragic: 175 pounds. Janet Jackson? What can be said of Janet Jackson, except that the more you repeat it, the more hits you get? Ever notice that Janet Jackson's Greatest Hits sounds exactly like Janet Jackson's Greatest Tits? Jennifer Lopez, here's a dame in need of a career makeover, maybe a name change too. Recommended: Pez, later pronounced pay once she launches her high end stores that feature clothing for women with high ends. Did J.Lo have cheek implants? Then how else did she erupt those bulbous buttocks? Alexandria Kerry gets more hits than her father who's running for president. All she does is wear a see-thru dress. Why shouldn't he wear a see-thru suit? That'd get him some notice, and help get everybody's mind off the war in Vietnam.