A Britney That Will Not Die

CW FISHER I spent 20 minutes with my head in the oven before I remembered: it's electric. I am not blaming Britney Spears for this bad idea on my part, not directly. She did the right thing today by promising not to shoot a music video depicting her suicide. MTV got their hands on the treatment, published it to their Web site, and soon the comments poured in. People whose brothers and sisters had killed themselves were particularly vocal. Moved by these letters Britney Spears decided against shooting the scenes. Sort of. According to Britney's handlers, Britney would have never approved that treatment. Britney herself said nothing and probably learned of it the way we did, by reading it, or by having it read to her. It's quite possible she's unaware of any of it. Britney rarely does any of her own thinking or speaking; I learned why when I saw her being interviewed. Under that blond hair is a really shallow dumb person with marginal talent who has captured the imagination of--me, actually. I do pause when she pops up, and I don't attribute it to the music. I don't know what it is about her. It's undeniable, unearned and unjust. That's not why I had my head in the oven either but it's getting closer. I googled the word "buzz" and it spat back Yahoo Buzz Index, which I thought was ironic. I was looking for blogging material. Of the top twenty subjects searched on Yahoo in the last 24 hours, week, month and year, Britney Spears is always on the list and very close to the top, followed by Jennifer Lopez but routinely bested (lately) by Paris Hilton. The Internal Revenue Service is also in the Top 20. Sadly, it was the only entry that interested me. That's why I had my head in the oven, that and a stew spill. You see, I don't want to live in a world that values Britney Spears. It's nothing against Britney. She'll only be around a few more years before she's Madonna, Annette, Cher, Marilyn or any other one-named chick except Oprah. Picture Britney at 40, a judge on American Idol. She'll be great. See? There is a future for her. But what about the rest of us? Stick your nose in this list for 20 seconds and see if it isn't curling. This is the stuff Yahoo's searchers are seeking -- and it's not just in America -- it's all around the world! Spain, France, Germany, Australia, Japan, Britney, Paris, J-Lo. No culture left untainted. And what's at the very top of the heap, worldwide? Failed American Idol contestent William Hung. Welcome to Bizarro World.